We just got the diagnosis today. They haven't fully assessed her to give her a number on the spectrum yet. I was shocked. I feel helpless, scared, unsure. As a mom, I worry about things. I want my daughter to have a good life. I don't want her to struggle. I don't want her to feel outside. She's so beautiful, smart, sweet. In the past year, she's come so far. Academically, she's at the top of her pre-school class, but she struggles so much to socialize. She can't make herself get involved the way the other kids do. At the park, she wants mama to come play with her. She knows that I understand her language, that I will not look at her the way kids do sometimes. Socially, emotionally, her fine motor skills...all at a two-and-a-half year old level. She just turned five. Her vocabulary is above average, but she can't seem to use it to express what's in her mind. She tells me what color everything is, in both English and Spanish. When I wear my long hippie skirts, she hides under them and follows me around, making me look like some sort of bizarre dromedary.
The doctors can't tell me if she will ever be able to function on her own. All we know now is that she needs treatment, and that we have so much to learn. Sometimes these kids go on to live healthy, happy, self-sustainable lives. Other times, they don't. Boon seems highly functional for a child with autism, and I'm hoping that as she grows, she starts to develop coping skills and learn how to function within society. Like I said, I have so much to learn.
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